Carpe This!  Why Carpe Diem Tea is Appalling On my Monday lunchtime stroll in the 90 degree DC heat, I fancied a libation of the tea variety.  Upon entering a respectable establishment that carries “good” tea, I saw a 50% discount on Carpe Diem tea.  This brand had caught my perusing eye prior, but the price of $3.00 for a 16 ounce plastic beverage never enticed a purchase.  However, I perceived a noveau opportunity this time around, given the discount, and bought the gingko, green tea infused variety.  What conspires next is likely one of my worst tea episodes ever despite many years of delight.   At first taste, I thought some form of acid had descended upon my palette.  Giving this a moment for further reflection, I witnessed the astonishingly God-awful taste of carbonation, and thereby soda.  Immediately, I recoiled in a ghastly displeasure from the very thought of combining green tea, ginkgo and soda (along with 21 grams of sugar per serving, 2 servings per bottle).  But my readers, this is “drinking that makes sense.”  Such indulgence and the taste thereof are tantamount to foul dog water and akin to the taste-bud experience of a post-treatment mesothelioma patient.  Who in their right minds adds “carbonated soda water” to tea?  “Indulgence that makes sense,” according to Carpe Diem’s hollow attempts to sound like an uber, “in the know” 21st century company.  In fact, such ridiculous assertions of the pseudo-intellect are anything but “natural.”  Hipster-marketed dog water – in an unsustainable, likely leeching plastic bottle – appalls this tea enthusiast, and thus I encourage others to join me in boycotting such garbage.  The only thing that Carpe Diem tea truly seeks to “seize” is your wallet. -Sean

Carpe This!  Why Carpe Diem Tea is Appalling

On my Monday lunchtime stroll in the 90 degree DC heat, I fancied a libation of the tea variety.  Upon entering a respectable establishment that carries “good” tea, I saw a 50% discount on Carpe Diem tea.  This brand had caught my perusing eye prior, but the price of $3.00 for a 16 ounce plastic beverage never enticed a purchase.  However, I perceived a noveau opportunity this time around, given the discount, and bought the gingko, green tea infused variety.  What conspires next is likely one of my worst tea episodes ever despite many years of delight.   At first taste, I thought some form of acid had descended upon my palette.  Giving this a moment for further reflection, I witnessed the astonishingly God-awful taste of carbonation, and thereby soda.  Immediately, I recoiled in a ghastly displeasure from the very thought of combining green tea, ginkgo and soda (along with 21 grams of sugar per serving, 2 servings per bottle).  But my readers, this is “drinking that makes sense.”  Such indulgence and the taste thereof are tantamount to foul dog water and akin to the taste-bud experience of a post-treatment mesothelioma patient.  Who in their right minds adds “carbonated soda water” to tea?  “Indulgence that makes sense,” according to Carpe Diem’s hollow attempts to sound like an uber, “in the know” 21st century company.  In fact, such ridiculous assertions of the pseudo-intellect are anything but “natural.”  Hipster-marketed dog water – in an unsustainable, likely leeching plastic bottle – appalls this tea enthusiast, and thus I encourage others to join me in boycotting such garbage.  The only thing that Carpe Diem tea truly seeks to “seize” is your wallet.

-Sean

Jul 13 2009

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